How To Deal With Opposing Views In A Marriage
Blog # 17
He’s Voting For Donald, She’s Voting For Hillary: How to Deal with Opposing Views in a Marriage
Houston, we have a problem. He’s for Donald and she’s for Hillary. When spouses are on opposing sides of any issue with great emotional value such as politics, there can be trouble in paradise. Across the nation at this very instant, there are a multitude of couples shaking their heads in disbelief at each other’s conflicting viewpoints of our political scene. When there is no common ground for any agreement, what is the solution? How can this conflict be resolved?
Politics represent some of the most important and emotional opposing viewpoints of our society. It seems that the masses are closely split between the two parties so the odds of spouses being on opposing sides are significant.
Research done on the inherent values of gender and temperament have shown a natural predilection towards voting for one or the other political parties. Women, being more feeling by nature are more drawn to the Democratic party whereas men, who are more thinking by nature are drawn to the Republican party. Of course there are men who are democrats and women who are republicans but in total this is true.
The question is, how do couples of different viewpoints come together? Different viewpoints could include not only politics but issues such as religion, morals, child rearing, money, and many more. Lifestyle choices such as drinking, eating habits, where to vacation, where to live, all create situations for conflicting viewpoints.
No one ever said marriage was a piece of cake! Conflict resolution is one of the pillars upon which a lasting marriage depends. After 30 years of being married to someone who is the opposite of me in every possible way, I can say with some authority that there are a few necessary components of marriage that can’t be overlooked in order to deal with our differences.
First and foremost, the relationship has to be placed above each other’s personal concerns, wants and needs. There will be times when this has to be placed aside but for the long haul it has to be adhered to. I learned this the hard way early in the relationship with fighting over who was going to get their way about something. My wife is a formidable foe when it comes to fighting and can escalate arguments into the stratosphere and that is not comfortable for me to go there. I have since learned that most issues aren’t worth those kinds of breakdowns and the relationship is much more important than getting my way or just being right.
Secondly, through my studies and research in writing my book, Master the Mystery of Human Nature: Resolving the Conflict of Opposing Values, I have found that people’s values can many times be created by our genetic makeup. There is really no choice in some of our preferences. I believe that a lot of our political views are built in to our organism. If this is so, then there is no need to fight over these things.
To illustrate this, do you think there would ever be a time where you would change your mind over your most emotionally charged values? Probably not. Why would we expect that anyone else would?
If you are a Trump supporter, recognize that you are naturally drawn to things he represents and are repelled by things Hillary represents. If you are a Hillary supporter, same thing applies. There probably is no real choice here for either side. Why make your life miserable fighting over things like this? You are not going to change the other's point of view and preferences. Our differences are nothing more than life being expressed in ways that are opposite and competing in its values. Our way is just a small part of the big picture.
Life at it’s best is when the opposites can reach some mutually beneficial means of living together and helping each other to broaden their perspectives. Too bad our political process can’t work this way.
Why fight it?